After I separated from Patty I spent two or three years in pain. I was uncertain who I was, what I wanted, where I was going. I went up to the redwoods for a solitary retreat and drew these pictures.
“Loading the terror” came from my childhood (perhaps about age five). I had dark dreams where I was forced to load barrels of toxic waste (the representation of evil) onto trucks all night long.
“Ed in anger” is my father. He was stiff, angry and violent. The clown was my hidden fear of who I really am. The clown cries all the time. The professor is my preferred view of myself, calm, rational, in control.
In time I found a calmer vision:
